"My Moment'"

I was having a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago. We were talking about the joys, the heartaches and the stresses of motherhood, (extended) family and our lives as wives. At the end of a statement we both said "And if I had to do it all over again, I would".

Shortly after that, I was having a conversation with another friend and we were talking about the best moments in our married lives. I mentioned that I probably couldn't nail down the exact best moment over the last ten years, but I could come pretty close. At the time, I was thinking my best moment is not just a moment, but moments. Moments spent with Conal and the girls. It's a day at home, where we're all kind of doing our own thing, and then draw together in the afternoon. We make dinner and end with a movie. The house is clean and it feels 'warm' and cozy. Those are my best moments.

She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language, no joke!

Those conversations have resonated so much with me lately. And the thought of doing it all over again, I think about all the time. I'm not sure I believe in destiny or fate, but I just can't imagine my life any other way, and think Conal was in the greater plan for me all along. Believe you me...we are not rolling down hills of green money and parenthood has been no walk in the park. But when realizing that some people relate happiness to monetary goodness, it centers my perspective. And through all of the hard times, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

My love for Conal grows stronger as time progresses. He can make me laugh and cry all at once. He's not affectionate, vulnerable or emotional, but he is tender and sensitive and soulful. He is an AMAZING father, a WONDERFUL friend and an INSPIRING team-mate. I catch myself telling people (when they ask how 'we're doing') that I could not do 'this' if it weren't for him. He is my rock, my compass, and half of my heart. It started beating with his ten years ago and has only picked up rhythm since.

Today, as we celebrate our 10th anniversary, I cannot help but think that the 'canned' vows we said in front of our family and friends still ring true:

"I promise to love and cherish you in good times and in bad. In sickness and in health, for better and for worse until death do we part".

Except if I were to stand in front of our family and friends I'd change them to a little something like this:

"Over the years that will span our life we are going to incur Paradise. Bliss. Euphoria. We will gain Heartache. Tragedy. Devastation. We are going to Fear and Doubt, we will Encourage and be Confident. And through all of those, we will walk side by side, hand in hand one step at a time. We might yell, and cry and curse. But we will also hug and weep and embrace. We will be the best we can be, and do the best we can do. Moving forth I could imagine nobody else by my side other than you".

Ten years ago, I was more caught up in the wedding than the marriage. My wedding celebration is a great memory, but my marriage is my eternal MOMENT. And if I had to do it all over again, without a doubt, I would.