When we went to see Hayden's new doctor, back in February, he decided we were going to start from scratch, so to speak. Not revoke her diagnosis...but see exactly where in the spectrum she falls. Maybe even PDD-NOS. He's wanting to pinpoint as much as he can, so we can figure out how to treat her properly. That will give us a great guide as to finding her the help she needs to succeed. So, he ordered new bloodwork, a strict diet, a new psychiatric eval, and a visit with a pulmonologist. I went home that day and waited for them to call with my referrals. By the middle of Feb, I had all of her appts booked, so that we could get the ball rolling. Beings that we live in the land of overbooked doctors, our visit with the psychiatrist could not be scheduled until June 25th. We waited four months to meet with this doctor who works out of the medical center on the PHX Children's Hospital campus.
This appointment definately did not go down the road I had anticipated. She started by telling me my daughter "DOES NOT have Autism just by the looks of her". Now, I do realize Hayden doesn't look like the stereotypical child with Autism, but I had to guide her attention off of Taylor and redirect her to Hayden. Yes...she was not even focusing in on the correct child. Meanwhile, Hayden is sitting in a chair in the corner curled up in a ball. With her head tucked between her legs. She then proceeded to tell me that she thinks Autism is over-diagnosed and that they throw that label on anyone that seems a bit "off". She doesn't believe the spectrum could be so broad and that because Hayden makes eye contact and is remotely affectionate, she does not have it.
I think the shrink that I'm not stuck on her diagnosis. That we sought out a new pediatrician who has a good grip on specialized challenges, and he requested a new updated psych eval be done. That we sought him out because we are at a loss with Hayden. How to help her. How/when/if to treat her with medication, or not. Any clues to help with discipline, structure, socialization, etc.
And although I think she was annoyed with me...during her 1000 yawns in an hour and a half, within 30 minutes of her talking and 'baiting' Hayden into answers, I could totally see where this was going, so the annoyance was was gripping my spine as well.
I answered all of her questions honestly. Gave as good of a family history as I could on maternal/paternal parents and siblings.
I told her about Hayden's night terrors. Although fewer and more far between than they used to be. Her social challenges. Her lack of FOCUS. (which, by the way...is my primary reason for needing help) She cannot focus on a task. Move fluidly from one task to another, or complete seatwork. She is not hyperactive at school. She doesn't understand directions ie: Please complete numbers 1-5 on the first page. She needs someone next to her guiding her through each task.
This doctor didn't care about that. She wanted to focus on the night terrors, Hayden's lack of imagination and creativity when playing (ie: playing with rubber bands, organizing obsessively, or flipping through clothes all over the tile). She wanted to know if the balls she dreams about talk to her. Does she hear voices. What do the voices tell her. And even when I said she doesn't like her clothes to be hung from hangers, and she asked Hayden why...and Hayden responded with "dresses"...she still didn't clue in to my concerns. My concerns that Hayden had no idea what she meant by the question she asked and had a totally irrelevant answer. She didn't clue in to the fact that Hayden was agreeing with her for sake of not knowing what else to say. That I completely had the feeling that Hayden was afraid to give a 'wrong' answer.
She told me that her diagnosis in "Simple terms" is that Hayden is extremely moody (duh!) with negetive directives in her mind. And that she needs to tame her dreams. That she is prescribing a "mood stabilizer". When I asked questions about it, she handed me a pretty generic print out. Yet told me that I will see a huge increase in her appetite. Patients tend to gain 20-25lbs within 3 months because they want to eat all the time. If I notice her seeming overly depressed or suicidal to call her. Are you EFFING kidding me????
I asked how this "mood stabilizer" would help her balance her thoughts and focus. She tried to assure me that once her moods are "in check" then her mind will slow down. We know (or assume) that Hayden's mind races and doesn't slow down too often. But really, would a mood stabilizer really help that? The doctor left the room and I was alone with my girls, and my thoughts and a medical resident. I asked him his thought on this mood stabilizer and his eyes were about the size of quarters and said he really had no opinion.
Once Dr. Quack returned with two boxes of ABILIFY and sent me on my merry way, I realized I was faced with a really tough choice and a pit in my stomach. The girls and I walked to the car in silence and once we were loaded up and on the road, Hayden quietly said, "Mommy, I don't want the lady to take my dreams away". My heart broke. I held back my tears, and confusion times ten set in.
I went to see my mom, who works next door. I told her that I felt like this doctor was making Hayden out to be a pschizophrenic (sp?). She was seemingly pushing her into dillusions.
I came home to ready the girls for their camping trip with Conal. It provided me with a weekend of a lot of alone time, time to think about what to do. In the meantime, as soon as Conal and the kids pulled out of Pam's driveway, she called me to tell me about her conversation with Hayden about her doctor appointment. She told me that Hayden told her all about the things the doctor was asking, and Hayden's responses. Without my sister even knowing my concerns about the appointment she told me that she feels the doctore was trying to make her sound pschizophrenic. So I told her that's exactly how I felt, and that I went to my mom totally bothered over that. Friday night I researched that Abilify is a drug that helps curb pschizonphrenia and bi-polar disorder. Dr. Quack met my kid for an hour and a half, did not listen to my concerned, steered her towards some whacky situations and thoughts and then is going to prescribe her with a drug that is so dangerous.
Obviously, we are not putting Hayden on that medication. Conal and I are meeting with her pediatrician tomorrow evening to discuss this appointment with him. We still need help and need to figure out what to do next. It was such a disappointment that we waited four months for this appointment that has done nothing but aggravate and piss me off! I'm sure this will not be the first Dr. Quack we come across, but I hope to the high heavens we've had our fill for awhile.
This is what we did ALL weekend. These are definately my kind of girls! 
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