Arizona's Bravest

Congratulations Bubba! You're going to make the best fire fighter Arizona has to offer. We're so proud of you and happy to see your dreams come true!

Dance your cares away (clap, clap)

I'm not quite sure who had more fun at the AZ Museum for Youth....me and Pam, or the kids! Jim Henson's original puppets are on display from the Smithsonian collection. Talk about cool! I know I could've spent a couple of hours in there looking at his sketches and watching the old original Kermit the Frog shows from the 60's that they had
playing on tv's. They had the original Kermit the Frog under glass along with some Fraggle's (you know you remember the Fraggle Rock --you probably even remember the theme song!), Rowlf (from the Muppetts), and the original Bert and Ernie in addition to others. The kids, though, were way into the interactive puppets. That's right, they had real Elmo, Ernie and Cookie monster puppets in addition to some smaller Sesame Street hand puppets and a wonderful puppet theater. Hayden and Cooper had fun putting on a puppet show, and of course, Tay and Cash totally thought they were performing too. Talk about a great experience! Lots to do and see and so much to feel! They had three replicas of Jim Hensen's idea boards...just a big felt circle-ish shape with felt shapes (eyes, ears, nose, mustaches, etc) and velcro that attaches to the board. Amazing that that's how he got his ideas for new puppets. The kids had a blast making silly faces on those boards. At the end of our day, we ended up in a playroom where they got to play together and use their creative little imaginations! There was something for everyone in that room!
The girls and I try and make time to go to the museum a few times a year, it was fun having the Cox' join us this time! It was nice to spend time with my sister and her boys. We're both so busy and going our own ways lately that we have a hard time getting together often, so this was definately a nice treat!

I look at her and my heart breaks. I can't help it. When I truly look at her, stare at her, I fall apart.

I think a big part of that is the unknown. I don't know what to do. I am lost, at a complete and utter loss, and what makes my heart break even worse, I think she is too.

Watchers of the Weight

Oh we're watchin' alright. Watching ourselves get bigger....and bigger....and bigger. But by God, we're HAPPY! Does that count?

Hardly!

So, Conal and I started WW this week. What a royal pain in the butt. We went grocery shopping on Sunday so that we were completely prepared for what the week had in store for us. We did it together and I think we probably drove every single person that passed us down the aisle, absolutely nuts. Well, we drove me nuts at least (doesn't take much lately, I'm on the verge!). We were reading the fiber v calories v fat grams. I was gripin' on the price, the lack of flavor and the fact that Coke (my biggest addiction) is so darn fattening.

By the third aisle in I'm completely annoyed. Why does it cost so much to eat healthy? I don't get it. And really, I'm not talking about the 100 calorie packs, I know that's all a marketing ploy. Same food, smaller portion, cute package, you look cool! I'm talking no trans fats = pricey, organic = pricey, whole grain = pricey, Snickers = CHEAP!! So then I was going through my "points finder" and trying to figure out how many Snickers I could eat a day for 22 points! I really think girl could live on Snickers alone, with Coke of course! If I remember right, I could have 4 Snickers and 3 Cokes....that's breakfast, lunch, dinner AND dessert<--Bonus!!

I know, defeats the purpose. So, anyhow, we bought groceries. You know oatmeal, granola, fruit, fat free waffles for breakfast. Bread, meat and soups for lunch and chicken and veggies for dinner. For some reason when I think dieting (or excuse me, Weight Watchers) not dieting, just changing my lifestyle one bite at a time, I think chicken and veggies. I think I get that from my mom. About 15 years ago when she was dieting we ate chicken, rice and veggies every night (or so it felt like), and to this day, my dad and I have the hardest time downing chicken, rice and veggies. So, why is it that I'm so inclined to think that's the only thing we can eat when we're trying to be healthy? Back to the point. We got stuff for all meals of the day. And by today, Wednesday, we're out of bread, oatmeal, fruit, yogurt, granola bars etc, etc. So, not only do they sock it to ya on your initial purchase, but good lord, you have to hit the supermarket every 3 days!

I don't know how long this will last (good attitude, right?), seems like every January I'm destined to be at Weight Watchers. However, this is the first time Conal really seems to be on board. So, for now, I'll keep watching the weight, I'll stay away from the Snickers and Coke and I'll keep on keepin' with my chicken and veggies. Oh hey, Margaritas are 0 points, right?!

Cloud in the sky

I love to watch Taylor when she's not looking. I feel like I'm staring down on her from a tiny cloud in the sky. I love to watch her delight, her intrigue, her wonder and frustrations. To watch her overcoming her struggles like they were only these tiny little hurdles that she just had to learn to step over, reminds me that I have so much to enjoy.
Taylor can sit down at the picnic table for an hour and draw. She's not quite two yet, but she sure loves to draw, or put puzzles together or bead. With the help of her OT (Dina) this passed holiday time she beaded us an ornament. I have since got an old package of beads out and I let her bask in her own creativity. She doesn't want to be helped or watched closely. She likes to be left alone while she colors or strings her beads. Sometimes she'll hum or question "whas dat? whas dat?" or even mimick the noises in the neighborhood while she's so concentrated on the task at hand. Taylor is a very determined little girl, she has a strong spirit, much to the point of my frustration. Dina says strong spirits creates self-confidence, leadership, perseverance. I think she's right. I watch Taylor in pure amazement, she has come so far in her 21 months of life. To think that one year ago she was just finding the strength to start sitting up, and now she's running, trying to climb, and even playing with sand. Taylor has forced me to focus more on the little things we take for granted each day. She's a complex, strong and assertive baby. I get that ache, that painful yearn to hold her and hug her and keep her my baby. I want to capture the moment and savor it forever. I never interrupt her though, she's best figuring it out on her own while I watch her from what feels like my tiny cloud in the sky.

Bunny Talk

Imagine talking in the back of your throat, not using your nose (almost like you're plugging it) and making a half "I just ate a sour pickle" face. Then jolt about 4 octaves higher then your regular voice, that's Bunny Talk.

You all know the bunny I'm talking about. The one nicknamed "Bun". She was pink and fluffy (but flat), a Carter's toy. You know the ones your kids become so attached to that they decide to discontinue production of them every six months. The ones that you scour website after website, call Carter's 800 number, their long distance number, they tell you to try some warehouse in South Carolina, and....ya do! Finally, you resort to ebay. Good ol' ebay, where you spend many hours over the next 18 months of your life scouring the 'discontinued lovey' links. To one day find it, and get in the craziest bidding war of your life with two other desperate mommies who need this lovey just as bad! Then, you win (because you'll do whatever it takes to win for your kids!), you pay about $28 for the nice $9 toy.....all in the name of saving your own sanity because, just because, what if she loses it, we need a backup! She's been in the Atlantic, the Pacific, the Caribbean and even an underground river in the Yucatan in Mexico. Okay, you get the point...that bunny.

Hayden's attachment is super strong. She thinks bunny is her second sister. Yes, that would make Taylor her third. Bunny eats cereal, gets cold, she even makes toots, and apparently laundry soap gives her reflux.

Well, Bun talks. And Bunny talks and talks and talks and doesn't stop!! She's driving me nuts! She backtalks, she cries, she screams, she asks "why?" all the time, she snorts and burps. She has tantrums if you give her the wrong salad dressing, if her carrots are whole instead of baby ones, if Chloe kisses her, or if the bathwater is too hot. She cries every day and sings a "Comeback Hayden" song when we leave her at home to run errands or go to school. Bunny is giving me a headache. Yet, I tried telling my 4 year old that today and she had the nerve to tell me that I give Bun a headache too, and could I please be quiet and leave the room so Bun's head could feel better. Then, of course, she asked for Motrin.

Hayden gets timeouts over bunny talk. Bunny talk seems to get her wound up, hyper, she will bounce of the walls for hours. (I know she does that anyway), however bunny talk seems to really get the best of her lately. Is it time to take the bunny away? We go in spurts during the daytime, and when we see the attachment getting to strong, we'll pull it from her until bedtime. Is this just an imaginative child having fun with her "imaginary" friend....or is it time to pull the plug? I don't know, I guess, for my own sanity (of course), I'll let her keep Bun until she's 5!

Here I Am!

So, I'm totally eating crow right now. I have made some serious fun of my sister, who blogs. I love reading her updates and seeing her pictures, however, I would NEVER blog about my family, thoughts, daily life, etc.
Never say NEVER!! She thinks it would be a good "outlet" for me. I've got a lot going on in my life. Some of my friends and immediate family know about, and the others.....they don't. So, on here you will read of my grief, my love, my frustrations, the highlights of our lives and more importantly you will read what special, wonderful children I have. Struggles, labels (or non), developmental delays and all! Please feel free to check often, and leave me a comment. A joke, words of wisdom or a happy hour invite! I accept it all :)