Speedy Marquette

Hayden wanted to join Sanborn's running club this year, solely for the purpose of getting to go to the swim party at the end of the school year! We decided to let her try, and set some very clear expectations. Since she was starting this, she was not allowed to quit. She needed to attend every practice, unless she was sick, and we would like for her to run in the races. I did not know you had to qualify, I just figured you could pick and choose.

Hayden qualified for her first race, which was held at Tumbleweed park. I had no idea what to expect. I definately didn't expect about 200 kids from grades K-6, lined up on a rolling start, running all at the same time! I didn't expect the course to be so expanse, and I had no idea, until the day of, that they run 1.5 miles in this race. I'm a very competitive girl, by nature, as I grew up, an athlete. I've released that competitive nature and lowered my expectations to just encourage my girls to just try and give things their all. OR SO I THOUGHT!

I had high anxiety with the course being so spread out, that my mom, Conal and I each ran to different spots around the park to a.) keep an eye on Hayden and b.) encourage her to keep running. As she rounded the turn to the first spot I was standing, I felt myself overcome with emotion. She was running. And participating. And trying her hardest. As I yelled in a crazy loud voice that Conal is convinced everyone heard, but Hayden, I found myself winding up even more. I could see her blonde braids from across the park, and she was still running. And as she approached another turn where we were standing and yelling, she was STILL RUNNING! She was passing kids...boys, girls, kids older than her! And once I realized her placement in this race, I felt this rush of competition come over me. O.M.G...she's fast! She's near the front of the pack and she's GOING TO FINISH!

As she rounded the last corner, I was screamin' my heart out and she glanced me a smirkish-smile. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Our baby girl was finishing her first race. She participated in a sport, where she was able to calm her own fears..panic..phobias, and succeed! To know the heartache she's been through trying to find "her thing"...this was a perfect boost of confidence on so many levels! We met her at the finish line, where she was given number 64. I had no idea what that meant. But we decided to stay for the awards ceremony to see how it works and what goes on. So glad we did....lo and behold, 1st grade girls, third place finisher...HAYDEN MARQUETTE!! 64th place overall...out of the 200-ish kids that ran, boys and girls alike. Holeeee, Moleee!

She went up for her ribbon clearly unphased by what was going on. We're thinking she thought everyone got one. But by the time we got home, it was sinking in. We were rounding the corner onto our street and she said "I did that for you, Mommy". I said, "What? What did you do for me"? She said, "I ran for you, Mommy. I heard you screaming HAYDEN...GO HAYDEN, GO HAYDEN, and I knew you would be proud". I literally had to pull my car over.

I was in tears. I told her that I'm just so proud that she ran in the race, and that she finished. That is what makes me proud. That she tried something new, and even though she was scared, she did it! By the end of the night, she totally understood what happened. She found a nice place on her wall for her ribbon that evening. Yet, when I went in to wake her up the next morning, I found it in bed with her!

Media Award

During the 2nd quarter PRIDE assembly, Hayden was awarded with the Media Award. The library staff nominated her as one of the 1st grade recipients, as she's always prepared, quiet and helpful in the library and computer lab.

Paging Dr. Quack

When we went to see Hayden's new doctor, back in February, he decided we were going to start from scratch, so to speak. Not revoke her diagnosis...but see exactly where in the spectrum she falls. Maybe even PDD-NOS. He's wanting to pinpoint as much as he can, so we can figure out how to treat her properly. That will give us a great guide as to finding her the help she needs to succeed. So, he ordered new bloodwork, a strict diet, a new psychiatric eval, and a visit with a pulmonologist. I went home that day and waited for them to call with my referrals. By the middle of Feb, I had all of her appts booked, so that we could get the ball rolling. Beings that we live in the land of overbooked doctors, our visit with the psychiatrist could not be scheduled until June 25th. We waited four months to meet with this doctor who works out of the medical center on the PHX Children's Hospital campus.
This appointment definately did not go down the road I had anticipated. She started by telling me my daughter "DOES NOT have Autism just by the looks of her". Now, I do realize Hayden doesn't look like the stereotypical child with Autism, but I had to guide her attention off of Taylor and redirect her to Hayden. Yes...she was not even focusing in on the correct child. Meanwhile, Hayden is sitting in a chair in the corner curled up in a ball. With her head tucked between her legs. She then proceeded to tell me that she thinks Autism is over-diagnosed and that they throw that label on anyone that seems a bit "off". She doesn't believe the spectrum could be so broad and that because Hayden makes eye contact and is remotely affectionate, she does not have it.
I think the shrink that I'm not stuck on her diagnosis. That we sought out a new pediatrician who has a good grip on specialized challenges, and he requested a new updated psych eval be done. That we sought him out because we are at a loss with Hayden. How to help her. How/when/if to treat her with medication, or not. Any clues to help with discipline, structure, socialization, etc.
And although I think she was annoyed with me...during her 1000 yawns in an hour and a half, within 30 minutes of her talking and 'baiting' Hayden into answers, I could totally see where this was going, so the annoyance was was gripping my spine as well.
I answered all of her questions honestly. Gave as good of a family history as I could on maternal/paternal parents and siblings.
I told her about Hayden's night terrors. Although fewer and more far between than they used to be. Her social challenges. Her lack of FOCUS. (which, by the way...is my primary reason for needing help) She cannot focus on a task. Move fluidly from one task to another, or complete seatwork. She is not hyperactive at school. She doesn't understand directions ie: Please complete numbers 1-5 on the first page. She needs someone next to her guiding her through each task.
This doctor didn't care about that. She wanted to focus on the night terrors, Hayden's lack of imagination and creativity when playing (ie: playing with rubber bands, organizing obsessively, or flipping through clothes all over the tile). She wanted to know if the balls she dreams about talk to her. Does she hear voices. What do the voices tell her. And even when I said she doesn't like her clothes to be hung from hangers, and she asked Hayden why...and Hayden responded with "dresses"...she still didn't clue in to my concerns. My concerns that Hayden had no idea what she meant by the question she asked and had a totally irrelevant answer. She didn't clue in to the fact that Hayden was agreeing with her for sake of not knowing what else to say. That I completely had the feeling that Hayden was afraid to give a 'wrong' answer.
She told me that her diagnosis in "Simple terms" is that Hayden is extremely moody (duh!) with negetive directives in her mind. And that she needs to tame her dreams. That she is prescribing a "mood stabilizer". When I asked questions about it, she handed me a pretty generic print out. Yet told me that I will see a huge increase in her appetite. Patients tend to gain 20-25lbs within 3 months because they want to eat all the time. If I notice her seeming overly depressed or suicidal to call her. Are you EFFING kidding me????
I asked how this "mood stabilizer" would help her balance her thoughts and focus. She tried to assure me that once her moods are "in check" then her mind will slow down. We know (or assume) that Hayden's mind races and doesn't slow down too often. But really, would a mood stabilizer really help that? The doctor left the room and I was alone with my girls, and my thoughts and a medical resident. I asked him his thought on this mood stabilizer and his eyes were about the size of quarters and said he really had no opinion.
Once Dr. Quack returned with two boxes of ABILIFY and sent me on my merry way, I realized I was faced with a really tough choice and a pit in my stomach. The girls and I walked to the car in silence and once we were loaded up and on the road, Hayden quietly said, "Mommy, I don't want the lady to take my dreams away". My heart broke. I held back my tears, and confusion times ten set in.
I went to see my mom, who works next door. I told her that I felt like this doctor was making Hayden out to be a pschizophrenic (sp?). She was seemingly pushing her into dillusions.

I came home to ready the girls for their camping trip with Conal. It provided me with a weekend of a lot of alone time, time to think about what to do. In the meantime, as soon as Conal and the kids pulled out of Pam's driveway, she called me to tell me about her conversation with Hayden about her doctor appointment. She told me that Hayden told her all about the things the doctor was asking, and Hayden's responses. Without my sister even knowing my concerns about the appointment she told me that she feels the doctore was trying to make her sound pschizophrenic. So I told her that's exactly how I felt, and that I went to my mom totally bothered over that. Friday night I researched that Abilify is a drug that helps curb pschizonphrenia and bi-polar disorder. Dr. Quack met my kid for an hour and a half, did not listen to my concerned, steered her towards some whacky situations and thoughts and then is going to prescribe her with a drug that is so dangerous.

Obviously, we are not putting Hayden on that medication. Conal and I are meeting with her pediatrician tomorrow evening to discuss this appointment with him. We still need help and need to figure out what to do next. It was such a disappointment that we waited four months for this appointment that has done nothing but aggravate and piss me off! I'm sure this will not be the first Dr. Quack we come across, but I hope to the high heavens we've had our fill for awhile.

Last Days of School

It is really hard to wrap my mind around the fact that Hayden's first year of kindy is over. This year literally blew by. The cliche's are so true..."time flies"; "hold onto them while you can, they're grown before you know it"; "don't blink"...but time has never flown as fast as it did this year. I hate, hate, hate to think that life with the girls is going to continue like that, and before we know it, they're going to be out and on their own. Don't get me wrong...some days I can't wait for that! But as busy and on-the-go as we are, I find myself slowing down and enjoying the moments. Savoring them, the memories. These ages and stages only happen once, and I'm so afraid I'm going to blink and miss them!

Hayden's been counting the days until first grade, and the hours until she turns 7. Tay's been begging to go to Kindergarten this Summer with her friend Kady and be in Mrs. DeHarts class. Kids want to grow up so fast. I love the fact that they're now becoming really independant and little responsible people of their own rite. They're not as dependant on me. They growing up and maturing and excited for what their futures bring. It's very bittersweet.

Patience of Job

He has it.

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." (Romans 15:4)

Mother's Day Tea(s)

Both of the girls' schools had really sweet Mother's Day Teas. This was the first and only program Hayden's class had all year long. So it was really special for all the Mommies that have been waiting all year to see their kids on stage!

The music director did an awesome job at putting their show together. They sang some very cute songs and raps, and finished in the dark with glow sticks singing in rounds "This Little Light of Mine". I've got to admit, I was in tears! It was beautiful! Hayden participated, and sang and smiled...she had a lot of fun and really enjoyed performing.

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Taylor's Mothers Day tea was adorable, and hilarious! This was the first time Taylor has ever been in front of an audience. And she was literally in front...and center. And, not shy! She was loud, and animated and had A LOT of fun!

There's no doubt about it...this was, by far...THE BEST MOTHER'S DAY EVER!!!.

Pedi's

Hayden and I were needing to spend some uninterrupted time together. What better way to do that than to go get pedi's together?! She loves indulging in girly-ness from time to time..when I can get her to slow down for a second!

The Six Year Old Dog Whisperer

Hayden has taken quite an interest in 'training' Holly. Hayden is very patient, yet firm with her. It's the only 'person' in the household that Hayden can boss around and doesn't spout back at her or throw tantrums...so they're quite good friends ;)

One night while Conal and I were making dinner Hayden was preparing a "dog show" for us. We really had no idea what she was up to, as she closed the curtains so we couldn't see the backyard. Once she was ready, and called us out...we were surprised to see that she had made an obstacle course (and had been practicing) with Holly.

Holly minds Hayden very well, most of the time. Hayden coerced her through each of her obstacles with doggie treats. When Holly didn't perform properly, Hayden sent her back to start over. It was hilarious...and very, very cute!

Kindergarten Spring Party

While Conal was on vacation, Hayden's class had their Spring (Easter) party. He helped in the classroom that day! Actually, the whole family did. Tay kinda thinks she's the class mascot, as she's in there a lot with me, and Hayden was THRILLED that her daddy came. It was also worldwide Austism Awareness day, so notice the blue we're sportin'!

Neighborhood fun!

I've been a slacker and haven't been carrying my camera with me too often. It's really too bad. We've been having so much fun with new friends in our neighborhood, and I'm missing out on a lot of photo ops.

Our neighborhood school has been more than just fun and new for Hayden. Living here as long as we have, we've always been a little down on our neighborhood. There's nobody fun, or even friendly on our street. Well, since Hayden has started school, and I gotten involved with the PTO, we've met so many nice families that live in our development, just blocks away! AND, this isn't a crappy development! There are actually friendly and social families around...they've just somehow skipped our street!

We've been to everything from a Mardi Gras party to a Sangria party. Dinner parties, lunches, and playdates. We've gone out to dinner and had friends over...it's been so much fun! And it's great, because the kids are included in most everything, we don't have to find a babysitter as often as we used to!

Hayden and Lauren at Lauren's House
Hayden and Lindsey at the Sun's game. It was a school sponsored event and so much fun. Their friend Ryan's mom is a local newscaster who had Media passes. So, she took Hayden, Lindsey and Ryan down courtside during the game and for a behind the scenes tour. These two crazy girls had a BLAST! They met cheerleaders and the Gorilla, and their friend Ryan even high fived Steve Nash!
I watched the Moore girls, Faith and Kady, last Friday while their mom worked. These girls all get along really well, and we see them often!Sitting in a bubble 'copter

The Haydens...aka H1H2End of season (2) soccer party. Hayden with Coach Randy and Coach Efren (who I actually went to highschool with). Crazy, small world!

Hope?

We saw a new doctor for Hayden on Monday. And for the first time in about 2 1/2 years, I actually feel HOPE!
It's not been easy around here lately. Hayden's been struggling on so many different levels. But luckily, we saw this doctor, who has come highly recommended by parents of typical kids, parents of special needs kids and other doctors.
In one appointment we accomplished more than we have since we started on this journey. I have a feeling good things are to come!

In the meantime Hayden is still TALL and SKINNY! 44.6 lbs and 4'1". Yowza...our baby is growing up!

A blossoming friendship

One of my biggest fears with Hayden has been the fear of her making a friend. Since she's socially awkward and is often embarrassed, obnoxious and doesn't know how to act around her peers, I worry that nobody will want to be her friend. I think I worry about it even more, because she often complains of it...not having lots of friends like some of the other girls in her class. BUT....I constantly tell her that she doesn't need 10 friends, 1 best friend is perfect!

Well, she has a friend. Her name is Lauren. This is not a frienship that quickly bloomed overnight. It's been in the making since the beginning of school. They have developed a friendship solely by themselves without the guidance of Mommies.

Once Lauren's mom and I realized that the girls had been consipiring for a playdate for quite some time, I offered to take Lauren on a Friday after school, as she had a lot of work to catch up on. Lauren got to ride home with us, stay and play and the girls made pizzas for dinner.

They had so much fun just being silly 6 year olds. Lauren is only a few weeks younger than Hayden, and they really balance each other out well. So well, that their teacher said she'd like to try and keep them together in 1st grade next year! Yay..hopefully so!

Lauren and Hayden had so much fun playing that Lauren turned around and invited Hayden over to her house for a few hours the very next day. They just live a few blocks away, so it's very nice and convenient. Hayden can't wait to be old enough to cross the street on her bike so she can just ride her bike there. (YAH...that's gonna happen ;) )

They also had Hayden over this past Friday after school. It was her turn to ride home with them. Lauren is very sweet, and they think the same of Hayden. Phew...such a relief. I'm glad to know that behind my back when I'm not around, that she's well behaved and polite.

The girls are now working on us for a sleepover!

Taylor goes to Kindie

Last Friday, Hayden's class had "Snowman Day". Just some fun activities revolving around snowmen. Pin the carrot nose on the snowman...make an edible snowman...and a 'snowball' (paper) fight in the courtyard, amongst a couple more stations.
I took Taylor along with me, and boy, did she have a blast! The kids were asking if she could come back on Monday! Only 18 more months and she may be able to call that classroom home for a whole school year!

...and she rides...

On New Year's Eve around 6:30 in the evening, Hayden dug out her bike and tried to get on it, sans training wheels. We had company over and I didn't feel like dealing with it at dark, with a houseful. I was expecting to spend awhile running after her, holding onto her seat while she steadily started to gain balance and confidence. I begged her to wait until the next day, and promised we'd take her to the park to try, where there is more room.

You can bet she was up early on New Years day, asking to go to the park.

This girl needed no assistance. No guidance, no instruction. We did not run behind her or next to her or even near here. Quite honestly, she popped on that bike and took off. No bumps, bruises or scrapes. She had never tried it before, and really, didn't even ride her bike with training wheels too often. She had a hard time pedalling, and a fear of falling. Apparently, she conquered that fear without us even knowing!

Dear Santa,

Hayden wrote her very first letter to Santa this year! She has drawn him pictures in the past, with a bunch of jumble, but this year, she wrote a letter. It's still pretty jumbly, but she did it with no help, I might add! Her teacher encourages the parents to not correct the kids when they're writing/spelling. They are learning their phonics and her point is that there are plenty of years ahead to perfect spelling. So she sounded the whole thing out.

We love this approach and find it a lot less aggravating for Hayden, if we're not correcting everything she writes. It's really built up her confidence and makes her feel so smart!

Her letter reads:

Der Sainta

I wont a Lfrd (I want a Clifford)

I wot a Borbe (I want a Barbie)

I won Chalr (I want Charlie (Pam's horse))

I wot a Horse

I wot a Pone ( I want a Pony)

I wot a Broht w Doogr (when I asked her what that meant, she couldn't remember!)

I wot a Borbe (I want a Barbie...again!)

I wot Rufdoph ( I want Rudolph)

Heart, Heart, Hayden!