The Mystery Fever Blues

You always know when things seem to flow so smoothly, that the other shoe will drop. It's inevitable. At least in my world.
I try to maintain optimism and a positive perspective in my life, and allow myself the days to give in to my inner cloud, when I need to.

Today is that day.

Taylor's years long mystery fever's most recent breakout is completing it's full 6th day. That's a long time for a mystery fever. It averages between 103 and 105, however, last night, it topped out at 105.8. After a call into the pediatrician, she had me take her to the BCMC ER. At risk of seizing and/or convulsions, she needed to know what's going on.

Earlier that day, Tuesday, we went to the lab to complete bloodwork, an x-ray and an MRI. The doctor ordered them on Monday, and we have a follow up on Thursday to go over the results. It's similar to a panel she ran last year, but it has a few more obscure illnesses included, too. But she also wanted some of the more basic blood work re-run that night, as to find out the results quicker.

What did the ER visit last night teach us, other than a realm of aggravation from being understaffed and over-patiented? That Taylor does not have an infection anywhere in her body. Disappointing and discouraging. And even though I knew it was going to come back like that, because her strep, urinary tract and ears all checked out well on Monday, I was still hopeful that the pediatrician missed something.

We left there this morning as the sun was getting ready to peak over the Superstitions. The roads were quiet, and I was alone with my thoughts and the sound of her sucking on her fingers in the backseat.
This poor little girl. She's never been perfectly healthy. *I am so grateful that we do not deal with life threatening illnesses, and everything that we have faced has been treatable in one way or another.* But seriously. I couldn't help but feel 'Why her'? 'Why us'?

I am emotional and exhausted. I was up for over 24 hours. I slept for about 3 1/2 hours today. But as I lay in bed tonight with a million and one thoughts running through my mind, worry and tears overcame me. I figured getting them out may be what I need to give my anxiety to God and let my heart relax.

I think that only a mother can understand this empty, flailing, despairing feeling that I am. I cannot understand why our kids have such struggles. It's not fair. And just when things were really starting to flow with her. I just don't get it. But I do know that I have to wake up tomorrow, refreshed and optimistic. We go to the find out if there are any results from the extensive blood panel and tests done yesterday. No matter the results, we will move on to a specialist. They will just determine what kind. Tomorrow we pick up and move forward. Something I have become very good at. Willingly or not.

That's it. That's the extent of my POOR ME's. I'm entitled. You'd have them too.

**Side note: Bubba called while I waited three hours for a return call from the Dr last night to give me tips to try and bring Tay's fever down. It was 105.8 in the middle of the Motrin/Tylenol cycle. If you have little kids, take this tip. It worked really well and the hospital said that was exactly the thing to do. Thanks Bub..I love you! But you already know that :)
Anyhow...DO NOT put a child in a cool bath. It could send them into shock and make them seize. Pack their under arms, sides of the neck around the carotid artery, and the groin with cool cloths. It literally continually dropped her temperature to 101.3 in about an hour.